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Last night I ate some baloney that I got from the deli. My wife always tells me to throw out deli, I think too soon. So I secretly put this two week (?) old baloney in a burrito wrap, with some swiss cheese and microwaved it. It tasted pretty good, or did it? maybe it was alittle old, I am not sure. Today I feel like I have some flu like symptoms. Alittle hot, alittle sick to my stomach, kinda achy. Was it the baloney or did I eat the baloney because I felt weak and needed some protien? Oh well, I will just tought it out and see if I feel better tommorow. I remember yesterday in church thinking the people in front were alittle blurry, but I thought that was the hang over from the night before.
Jeff called me and we went to the southgate house. He is 42 I am 39 almost 40. I used to race BMX with Jeff in the 1980′s, then we played in a band for a while, now we just work and pay bills for our families. Times change my friend, times change…
Jeff had a full Torker (bike brand name) uniform. If you are unfimalier with BMX racing pants. The pants are made of nylon, with sewn in knee protection, and are brightly colored, his were black, yellow and white. The official colors of torker team. he had a matching jersey, bike and helmet.
I secretly was jealous of his matching uniform. I was always scrabbling together bikes from various sources, and putting a uniform together out of what I could get my hands on cheap. Some people respect my ability to make something out of nothing, but looking back Jeff who had it all and I who had nothing, both find ourselves in exactly the same spot in life. As adulthood sets in, you get to realize life is pretty much the same for every one. Some days you are on top, somedays it is someone else. Some people never get their due. Others get more than the could ever possible deserve, but we all are about the same, happy wise.
I know rich depressed people and poor happy people and vise versa.
end of transmission

Back when cowboys and Indians was the most popular game played by kids, it seems to make sense to have the polar opposite of the pecan Pete bar. The icon of the Indian Chief was the feather head dress. I think the lost part of the game of cowboys and Indians was half of us want to be cowboys and the other half want to be Indians. There is something alluring about mastering nature and fighting civilization. Being born and raised on a time clock where your whole life is a scheduled event, you long for freedom. Native Americans never had to answer to a time clock. Stress was not artificially created for them by a schedule
, they only answered to nature and food sources. Maybe that was harder than I can ever imagine, but in my mind wondering around the woods looking for a rabbit to eat with my family seems to be a much better life than typing about it on a computer at 4:41 on a Wednesday afternoon, while sitting in a cubical. Sure it is cold outside, but I imagine you would get used to it if you lived outside your whole life.
side bar: peanuts, sugar, corn and cane syrup, soda and salt. that is one potent ounce for 5 cents
really this is a non holiday, I know people look back on the year and think of what they did sometimes but really, does it really matter. the year is based on and arbitrary time structure invented so farmers would know when to plant and harvest. since as a society we are no longer based on agriculture (we leave that to other faceless unknown people and have no concept on how it is done or care to know) modern man has no emotional connection to new years day. lonely people get together and decide it sucks being alone all the time, and they haven’t got together with anyone this year, and make on last gasp at mating by kissing whoever stands near them. Most of the time it is a mistake or a band aid on a gun shot wound. Married people mostly just pine for thier freedom but make no real effort to gain it back. We lost what ever game we once had years ago, and wouldn’t know what to do with a hottie if we actually caught one. It is depressing for me personally and I miss my mom this time of year, I miss the unconditional love deal. and wonder if I will ever have it again. I may have it but it is hard to tell. My brain has a hard time deciphering emotions, and I can be quite self absorbed. The last statement only proves the fact further. Nothing can be more self absorbed than writing a blog about your own emotions on self absorption. The whole blog thing is a bunch of bullshit. But here I am doing it, hopeing someone will someday read it. Obviously this paragraph is much too long for the average person to read, I have learned from years of advertising and packaging art work that people really could care less about reading and avoid it at all costs. that is why products are named Tide or Cheer instead of “Concentrated Liquid Soap Specificaly Designed For Clothes Washing”. in fact the fewer letters a name has the larger it can be reproduced on a package therfore insuring legibility on even the smallest labels.
